“I'm telling you, once your car's been stolen, it never runs the same again. It's like a guy sleeping with your girl. He leaves his mark all over her.”

Tagged: Cheating Stolen Cars

“Johnny: I remember I broke up with Stacy Laruzzo a week before Valentine's Day. I got back with her a week after. No chocolates, no roses... Eric: No class.”

Tagged: Breakups gifts valentine's day

“Vince Vaughn? That puffy motherfucker.”

Tagged: Vince Vaughn Puffy big

“I'm on ass patrol.”

Tagged: Patrol Flirting

“At least he said I was pretty.”

Tagged: Pretty Critics Critical

“Eric: Could you get laid without Vince? That's the question. Turtle: Do I give a fuck? That's the answer.”

Tagged: Hookup Laid Sex

“Johnny: Break-up sex? Never heard of it. Eric: Yeah, you know, you have sex and then that's it, you say goodbye. Johnny: That's the only kind of sex I have.”

Tagged: Sex breakup Intimacy

“I found my Kiehl's open next to one of your beat-off mags.”

Tagged: Kiehls magazines Lotion

“I don't want to be anyone's first and I don't want to be anyone's last.”

Tagged: Sex first Last

“I fucked like a puma.”

Tagged: Sex Simile Examples

“You got my balls tingling, man.”

Tagged: Tingling balls Excited

“You order something unusual, people will never forget you.”

Tagged: order unusual forget

“Good or bad, you can't let what these people say affect you.”

Tagged: Good Bad impact Staying grounded

“Eat your fruit loops and shut up.”

Tagged: Sassy Fruit Loops Quiet

“All directors are pricks.”

Tagged: directors Pricks Acting actors